Something I struggle with in life is the way I'm viewed by many people. They look at me, and often tell me how perfect my life looks. They assume because I have a smile on my face, a nice car to drive, and every material thing I really need that my life is complete and worth being envied. Getting straight to the point, I'm not who I look like. I'm so bitter and furious with so many things in life; my neurotic and narcissistic family, my inconsiderate and despicable ex-boyfriend, and my careless and unconcerned "friends".
It's so hard keeping my life a big secret, not opening up to anyone, or letting others know that I need help. I'm scared, almost ashemed if I approach someone for help or advice. Inside I feel like a mess; my mind is scattered, my body is weak.
My family continuously yells, complains, insults, and hurts me. I've been putting up with their words and actions since I was four. They've never treated me like a child, infact I feel they ripped my childhood away from me. To them I'm worthless, someone who will fail in life, a mistake. They tell me they don't love me and can't wait until I move out. My mother treats my younger brother like he is the most angelic individual to walk this earth. He curses her out, hits her, and fights until he gets excatly what he wants. Of course she caters to his every need, but doesn't even have the common deciency to say "Happy Birthday" to me on my birthday. I have never understood why they dislike me so much; but I know why they yell at me. If I leave a cup laying in another room, don't hang up all my clothes, or clean up the kitchen after I cook dinner for everyone. Are these really good reasons to hate somebody over, especially your child? It completely sickens me how egotistical and miserly they are. They are so selfish in so many ways and expect that money will make me happy. Little do they know that love conquors everything. God conquors everything. God is what is holding me all together. I am so alone in this world, as it seems, and it's so hard. It takes alot out of me to get out of bed somedays, to talk to others, or do simple tasks. I desperately want to be a good influence on people and give them hope, but it's so hard for me to accomplish this right now. I know God will lead me out of this, but it's so confusing why I was put in the family I was put in. I can honestly say I don't care if my parents came to my wedding, if they moved across the world, or if they even came around to being nice to me. I'm so numb to the fact that they are infact related to me that I try to ignore everything when I am at home. I go mute and stay back in my room day dreaming of something better. I could go on, but I feel better for getting this issue off my back. I suppose the point or message of this blog was to show that no matter how happy or stable a person may seem don't underestimate what could be underneath. Every person has feelings, problems, and issues.. some they don't reveal in everyday life. Do as to others as you would do to yourself. Be a friend.
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