It has been a LONG time, but I finally feel ready to write again. It has been years since I have written on this blog - not because I forgot, but because I did not feel worthy. The title, "Life of a True Christian" scared me too much to be anything less than perfect. I did not want to write about my faith, my fears, my struggles, or my pain while I had what most would call a hypocritical relationship with God. I am here writing that being a "Christian" is not constant bliss without pain, problems, or mistakes. In the past year I have read the book of Job several times; too many to count. Job was a humble man of God that had been blessed abundantly; he had a wonderful wife, children, friends, house, and career. Satan wanted to prove to God that if he took away everything from Job that he would turn on the Lord - so God said that he could try. Job lost everything - and I mean EVERYTHING. After losing everyone, he said...
"I am nothing but skin and bones; I have escaped only by the skin of my teeth." -Job 19:20
My senior year of high school I broke up with my "high school sweetheart" and ended up going through a severe heart break. Instead of bettering myself as I planned, going to bible college, and being patient I tried doing things my own way. I had never been to a party or had any alcohol to drink until the summer of 2009 after graduating high school. I had never seen a drug, kissed another boy, or had friends that were involved in this type of life style. I was what most would call "goody too shoes", "innocent", "sweet", "shy", or "Christian". It is a common assumption that Christians are perfect, without blame, have perfect families, jobs, homes, and lives... right? That is what I thought, and since I didn't feel like I had the perfect family, boyfriend, career, home, and life I felt hopeless or as if God had abandoned me. Everything that I had prayed for and wanted in life had fallen apart, and I had made everything worse.
I not only got drunk, but got alcohol poisoning many times from June of 2009 to July of 2011. I thankfully stayed away from drugs and other harmful things, but the drinking was enough to wear me down. I lost jobs, lost my apartment, caused stress in relationships, lost my reputation, and became more lost then ever. My great aunt died, my cousin died, followed by my grandmothers death as well. I became very angry with God, just as Job did in the bible verse I quoted above. I felt like nothing, like I was just dangling onto life - and not by my own will. I wanted to die - I wanted to get in a wreck, be shot, have a heart attack, or just anything! One night in July of 2011 after doing so well for months, I fell into a deep depression. I drank so much that I had to go to the hospital. After evaluation, embarrassment, resentment, being sick, and $3,000 worth of bills I felt like I had lost EVERYTHING - just like Job.
It turns out that God had never left my side - but I had walked away from His. Satan wanted me to believe that God was punishing me, and he has probably done that to many of you as well. You see... God knew my high school sweet heart was not the husband He had planned for me, my jobs were not ones that I needed to have, my apartment was not a place that honored Him, and that my family members were called home to heaven for a reason. He did not take these things away to hurt me, but to mold me into who I need to be. Even though life can hurt, bring you down, and cause you to do things you will regret... you have a choice. I can tell you from my experience that participating in temporary moments of happiness will never fill the God shaped hole inside of each one of us. We were created by God, designed by God, molded by God, and have a hole in our heart that is specifically for God to fill.
Being a Christian is not about being perfect, having the perfect family, perfect career, perfect home, or perfect life. Being a Christian means that you admit that you cannot do it alone and that you need God. It means that you understand that after all you have been through, you really don't know what it best for you. It means that the LAST thing you think is that you are perfect and have a perfect life. It means that you are willing to trust God even when you are rock bottom and hold on to that string of faith! Even after Job lost everything and hoped for death, he still had that string of faith he was holding onto. Satan finally gave up - something God knew would happen. God blessed Job even more than before and gave him an incredible amount of joy for holding on in the darkest of times. I am writing this specific blog with some of my past in hopes that when you see "Life of a True Christian" you are not quick to judge, but quick to realize that we all fall short of God's glory and have so much in common.
We cannot live in fear to share our faith because of our past. We cannot live in fear to share our faith when we are going through hard times. We can never live in fear of being a Christian or being afraid to admit all of our imperfections. We will be hated, scolded, watched like a hawk, made fun of, called hypocrites, and much more. We cannot listen to the world - because all that matters is what Jesus would say. We are not on earth to please the people and be one with the world but please God and to share the gospel to the world. What better way to share the gospel than to share your story? Your testimony is what encourages, inspires, and causes the love of God to move! You never know who is needs to hear that they are not the only ones who have fallen, been hurt, or felt hopeless. Job felt hopeless thousands of years ago and God came through for him. God will do the same for you!
