I'm coming out and being quite frank in this blog. In December of 2008 my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and I broke up because I thought he had changed. He was embarressed to talk to me infront of his friends, said hurtful things, and didn't cherish me what so ever. Though we had been apart only a week I still cared just as much for him and wanted the best for him. I saw him headed down the wrong path and tried everything in my power to stop him from making mistakes. He promised me he would be safe and not do anything hurtful to himself or me. As I waited to give him his birthday present on Christmas Eve he was having sex with a girl I knew, infact a girl in one of my classes. He had seen the pain he had caused me previously and had added to it even more now. We never shared what him and that girl had, and during that time I felt so betrayed, hurt, and depressed that I didn't know where to turn. The only person I had put my trust in on earth was him, and he had thrown everything away in such a short time. I spent hours crying, hours thinking, and hours filled with downright anger. I never understood why God would let something like that happen to us or let me go through that. When someone of the opposite sex does something like that the pain is deep, unreal, and unimaginable. Up until recently I haven't been the same person. I stopped caring about things I used to as much, and though I'd try to come back I felt I couldn't. I felt empty and alone, and nothing could completely fufill me. I found a new guy to like, and though I laughed and had great times with him he wasn't a christian. Something was missing, and I knew what it was. Instead of trusting in God I was stubborn and selfish, wanting the things of the world so I stuck with him for a while. During that time I started becoming friends with another guy as well, one who was known for lets say, living in a worldy way. Tonight we went for a walk and talked about God. We even sat on my porch watching I Am Second videos, reading my blogs, and listening to a christian speaker for a couple hours. Even when no words are spoken and two come together listening and learning about God you can completely feel His presence. Though this guy was one of the last people I thought would be one to help bring me back to God he did. I was able to help him feel the fufillment of God as well by sharing that experience with him... and that is one of the most amazing feelings in this world. If my boyfriend had not betrayed me I wouldn't have gone through some of the experiences I did, met certain people, helped influence others, or have gone through something hard and made it through. I would have ended up with him more than likely; unhappy and regretting being with someone who didn't appreciate me. I am sad for his decision, but happy knowing God had given me the strength to get through my difficult time. I never thought I'd say this, but I feel blessed to have been able to be put into a difficult situation and had opportunities to screw up my life, but with the help from a couple people and certain sayings I pulled through. Not saying I completely healed, but I trust that God has something wonderful planned for me in the future. My identity was so embedded in my ex-boyfriend that I forgot who I was and that I'm not empty or lost without him. God is the one who I needed to put my identity in and the one that I need to be truly fufilled.
Don't ever doubt God's timing, his love, his plans... He knows what's best. God doesn't work in mysterious ways, but the best ways. Trust in Him, for he wont forsake you.
Isaiah 55:8-9
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
